is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize