So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
