drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
