he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
