My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
