he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
