Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
