She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
