Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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