i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
