I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
