I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
