I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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