Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
