8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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