I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
