I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
