it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
