Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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