Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
