just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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