Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My ATM looks so different sober.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
