I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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