he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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