i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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