She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
