Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So much rum. So many feels.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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