She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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