is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
