I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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