he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
