I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
