Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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