i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
