Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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