The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
