he thought i was a dude.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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