she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
