True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
