Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
