I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
