What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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