I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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