Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
