he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it's like heaven, but drunker
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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