U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
