I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
