yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
