You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
