He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
