Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
