My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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