She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
