Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
