I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
