i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
