Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
