Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
