there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
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