I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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