Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
