if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
