This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
MIDGETS
????
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
