Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
