They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
