1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
