i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
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She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
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note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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