he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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